LIVE YOUR LIFE AND LOVE IT, CAUSE IT IS ALL YOUR GETTING!

9:02PM - Writer's Block: Tricky Questions

I usually say "i didn't do it and even if I did I won't admit it, can I get you a cup of coffee??

6:49AM - I SURVIVED!

WELL I SURVIVED THE DENTAL WORK! Well the first part of it, I still have 7 teeth to be fixed, but after the initial pulling of 13, I think that won't be so bad! I have what is called a /flipper/ Temporary teeth until my gums are all healed enough for a new impression and then BAM I won't talk like Snagglepuss anymore.
I am moving to ate other side of town, one of the things that happened last Sunday is that a veil of negativity seemed to life from my soul and I decided changes were needed. Anyone that knows me will remember when I set to change things, I just make it happen. My housemate is Toxic to my soul, she is negative, controling and just plain not a very fun person to be around, rather like my ex husband without the hitting, although she has been fairly mentally abusive over the last months. Soo......I found another place to live in NW Portland and if the friend comes through with the truck the built in housekeeper/cook/babysitter is outa here. I am trusting fate here so say a lil prayer please.
Oh my GOTH it feels good to hope and look forward to life again.
Anyway, that is all for today, just letting peoples know wazzup!

4:57PM - A FAVORITE QUOTE

In my dream, my angel shrugged and said "If we fail now it will be due to lack of imagination." And then she gently placed the world in the palm of my hand.

12:34AM - what's Happening

Well Folks, I have been AWOL! My sister died August 7th and this changed my life forever. She left me something much more life changing than money (there was none of that) she left me courage. COurage you ask?? Well I stepped out from behind my broken smile to take a chance on living again.
Soo MOnday I went to the dentist and 13 teeth were pulled, worst experience of my LIFE I can tell you. I have a temprary partial and talk like Sylvester at the moment, and still there is some work to be done, a few caps and such but I think the worst is over.
Soon I will be back to my old self and I am TAKING MY LIFE BACK! I will also be moving away from an unhealthy housemate situation I have thought I was trapped in when it was really me not having the guts to just tell the woman NO about a lot of things cause I was afraid, well as much as I know the smile should not have stopped me, it did. I have a feeling she is jealous that I won't be that timid little Katy that can be pushed around anymore and might even have a life (It could happen) which will fuck her good times up a bunch cause I won't be here every weekend to watch her son.
Anyway I can be emailed at Sabbathwench@yahoo and I know I have not been around a lot, I sort of went into hiding for a while cause, well I dunno why it just seemed the thing to do, but soon enough "look out world I am back!"

Kisses
Katy

8:35PM - who is Katy

Hmm well I wear one ear ring because most people wear 2, I wear a tie on casual friday because everyone else is in T shirts, I would be the one wearing brown shoes with a tux just because it is simply NOT done. Not exactly sure what that says about me, but...me it is.

2:28PM - 2006 IS GOING TO ROCK!!!!!

Friends and fansm 2006 is going to be MY year. Never mind that this is the year of 666 _06-06-06!
It started with New Years Eve, I was at a low point that scared even little optomistic me the glass was NOT half full, the damn thing was empty, my mind was fluttering between what was the easiest way to check out, take the handfull of Vicodin I found in my dresser, forgot I had them, and just walking into traffic, there was noone to help me....."I thought" Ya scary as hell. Then an amazing friend (who would have been REALLY pissed if I had done either of the options I felt were all I had) send Isis (ok smirk if you like, I believe) and things turned.
Someone came over and asked if I had any pain killers, his wife had an absessed toof, and being me, I of course gave up my stash (option 1 out the window), and it was raining cats and dogs (being feline in nature, I hate getting caught in the rain, so option 2 gone also). Then a friend I wss talking to online said she was sending me a ticket to get East, someone showed up with $30 cause they wanted to buy my lumpy bed and crappy TV, knowing I was leaving eventually, and my tarot cards stopped showing the Devil card, and my friend B send me a little $$ for my trip so I could eat healthy. Coincidence?? Dunno but it all changed my outlook on life.
I spent a sober, alone NY eve, the FIRST in my adult life EVER, and I survived it intact. New Years day, I got an e mailo from the ex I had held in my heart for so many years, and I realized I had been using him as a way to avoid getting hurt nt feeling again. 3 e mails and me calling him an arrogant ass and telling him to get over himself, cause I was finally over him, and one good cry to make sure he was gone, and Katy is BACK!
I may not know I am sexy, as a friend tells me`"I am the most clueless cute girl he knows, that hides behind her ego like a thief in the night, but I think that now I can embrace who I am and discover who the cute girl in question is. YAY ME! NO fear.
This my friends is the year of NO REGRETS! I am 51, time to grow up and have a little fun with life. I have a young soul, I was told just 2 days past that I have an undeniable capricious soul and am delightful, well I ask you, who am I to disagree, I am gonna go and find that woman he saw over lunch and see if I can integrate her to me again, I seem to sort of remember her, she was delightfull,and funny and had a smile that made her eyes glitter, and a laugh that only Sorcha will remember (I know your reading).
So that's it, I leave Saturday on a new adventure, I am done here, my Lady Caroll is gone to heaven, and will remain watching over me. I have candles to learn to make, people to make smile, loves to smile at and whisper "not yet, I have to grow a little more before I can commit" and life to LIVE!!!" Oh to be me in this coming year is going to be exhausting, amusing and definitely interesting.
As always, I am thankfull for my friends here that put up with my ranting, my teddy bear, Lord Byron, the amazing Serpent in my life, and hmm well dunno everyone that is reading this Merry New Year and happy life!
I will be away a week or two, trip, getting settled and all that, I do love the east Coast, and they love my lil southern drawl, yeeehaw, I get to be the charming belle again, bartenders love me, and anyone I talk to on the phone melts, hello fund raising jobs again! Sooo see y'all soon, e mail me fast and I will e mail back before I leave tomorrow night. Love all of you bunches, and if your near Boston, hartford or Albany, seems I am like 2 hrs away from all of them, maybe a little more of a train ride from Boston, send me a tx and I I will come and let you buy me dinner and drinks.!
What a bold brat I am again, man is it good to see the old Katy waking up! So indulge me, I will settle soon enough to the quiet little country mouse in love with someone I am sure.
KKKKKaty!!!!

3:08PM - By for a while

Friends and fans there is no choice, my world is crashing. Cell is off already, housephone may last till Monday, although I dunno, Landlord just told me rent on 1st or byby And my sister is gonna die and I can't get there. Soo thnat means I will be off line a while trying to do whatever I have to do to get myself out of this damn mess., I hope to be able top wrangle a ticket East somehow, and then I will be Ok, offline still for a while, but I will have a phone. Sooo I love you all, and if you want to call, most of you know where to find me the number is 541-689-2842. Happy New Year, huh landlord said I should have taken the $40.
Katy

9:53AM - what the hell is wrong with people!

MY Gods, what the hell is wromng with people. I have a family emergency, and am stuck in Oregon unable to get to the east Coast, where although I am from the south, my sister is East and she is gonna die!
Well I put an ad online, asking for honest work to make the $200 to get there, and I am getting men asking me to sleep with them for money! Not only are they wanting to exploit a sweet girl in trouble. the last one called and asked if $40 would be enough for a quick blow job! and could he spank me, oh and asked if I looked worth the $$.
Dammit I may not be worth much, obviously the men reading tjhe ad think it is OK to try and take my pride for a fast fuck, but being a whore for $200 is just not something I can do.
OK I feel better, despararation has not gotten the best of me, I may be sitting on a corner in the rain with my thumb out,. but dammit I did not sacrifice my soul.

10:34AM - Almost a New Year

Fans and friends, Christmas has come and gone, as usual I didn't get a present, but I got to cook for friends and clean up after I managed to get them the hell out of the kitchen, and in this case house, it is almost 2006, who-da-thunk we would ever see a year with such a number. I have decided that resolutions suck, they put pressure on me I can't seem to live up to, so instead I have made a list of things I would really like to do this year. So here goes.
1. I have stopped smoking for now (OK I am broke) but I would like to not start again.
2. I would like to continue not eating things bad for me.
3. I would like to find a way to the East Coast and be near my sister while there is time, and also get to a friend that needs me.
4. I would enjoy finding out that someone out there wants to spend some real time with me, and give my poor teddy bear a rest from tears, fears and being my only security.
5. I should probably get better at this holidays stuff and realize I am OK alone, hell I am not such a bad person to be with.
6.` Most of all, I would kinda like to find the joy in life again, and some stability, fate has kept me busy helping others, I think I need a rest.
So there you have it, most of the things I would like to get done in 2006. Feel free to commment, offer advice or even help with any of them.
Oh and by the way, if I am gone for a long time, don't be alarmed, I will lose my connection soon cause I have bo $$ for my phone bill and my new job won't start till after New year, and even at that I have to get to my sis before it is too late, but as always,. I am OK, honest.
As always I am thankfull for all of you here, my Lord Byron, My teddy bears of course, WS, CKU, and life in general, it kicks my ass but I kick back.

9:52PM - Merry Christmas

Hello fans and friends. After being reminded the other day I haved not said hello in a month, I thought I should.
First of all, for those that still believe, Merry Christmas, and all that. I gave up on all that years ago, maybe if some year I am happily surrounded by love, I will see the beauty again, but for now it just hurts.
I am still thankfull for all I have, friends, all of you here, Lord Byron and the bear, my amazing WS, I am breathing and all that, just amazingly sad and I imagina I will be till it is over.
PS just for the hell of it, if you see Santa, give him my address.

12:29AM - Happy Holidays

Well friends and fans, I am alive still. Have had a quiet, contemplative 3 weeks, went out a couple times, nice dinners, nice guys, no damn spark. I think I am broken. Maybe I just need a torrid, romantic, HOT affair, or perhaps just tums will fix that flutter in my tummy :) In either case, I remain afraid to take anything to another step that is not with someone familiar. Anyone out there familiar to me?
Heh that was a funny thing to write.
So today was Thanksgiving, and in the spirit of things, I am thankful for my Teddy Bear Lord Byron, The winged one, I am reasonably healthy, and according to at least one bartender, kinda sorta cute when I giggle after a shot. Well now I ask you, would a bartender lie just cause I was tipping him BIG?
Anyway, cooked a great dinner, had a pretty cool day with friends, hope y'all did too.

1:33PM - Alone again

Well fans and friends, last friday at 5:27 PM, the lady I was caring for, went to a place of no pain, no sorrow, and ramains I am sure, watching over me.
It was hard, still is, I am living in her house still, taking care of things as always, just amazingly alone.
What will I do now? `Well it seems a local photographer thinks I have a "look" that should be put out there in one way or another, so I may well me Miss some month or other on a 2006 calendar. Heh whoda thunk at 51, anyone would think such things, much less want to take pictures. I had to loook upo Bette Page to see what he was talking about.
So I suppose I shall be fine, and learn again., that alone is not so very bad. And so begins yet another adventure in the life of a Blue eyed Katt, lost in a very BIG world.

11:34PM - That time again

Helllo friends and fans, time for another chapter from the amazingly dull life of the undeniable Miss Katy. Well now, what has happened, well came very close to losing my patient a couple of times last week, pulled her through, seems I have nursing skills I did not know I had, perhaps I was a cute little nurse in a former life, hmm??
Anyway, I am alive, well and hanging by a thread.

2:35AM - Well I made it another year

I did it friends and fans I made it another year, On Saturday I turn 51! YIKES!!!!!! What a year it has been, and here I sit, wondering what the hell I will do to mark the day, knowing me very damn little. But on the outside chance anyone wants to send me a birthday card, (hehe that would be cool, e mail, me and I will send my address and cell number, hell, send naughty gifts, that would be cool, have not had a present since my bear Lord Byron came to me.
Anyway, that's the scoop. Life is busy taking care of my Lady Carroline, and actually she told me I would be a hell of a nurse, I manage to pull her through the hard nights, like this has been.
OK it is 3:00 almost and this kitten is tired, naughty night.

10:36AM - Tine to do that update thing

Well lemme see fans and friends. What has changed since last we spoke? HMM. Well I have had a couple of nice online suprises, My favorite Serpent came back off the road, he is a good friend, like all of you, and listens to how hard this path I have taken is on my heart.`My favorite handsome rogue Lord Byron called to see how I was, and hmm not a lot more actually.
Well unless you count the fact that I managed to find a way to get most of a housefull of brand spankin new linoleum delivered to the lady that I am caring for, and found someone to install it next week, all free for nothin, so she will have a cleaner and nicer environment, got her house cleaned a LOT (had not been done in a year at least) and when people visit they are amazed. OH, and my little left foot found said rolls of flooring and I fractured a bone, owowowow!!!!
Other than that, not a whole lot. I though I was losing her night before last, and that was scary, but we made it through and by morning she was happily eating cream of wheat (yuk) and declaring me an Angel once more. Maybe I am, who knows, I must be here for something.
So that's all fans and friends, I hang in there, limping a LOT these days, but the foot will heal, my Lady Caroline is hoping that we will at least have Christmas together, and I pray daily to the Goddess, that her hopes are answered, she deserves one last amazing season, and knowing me I will find a way to get people to have all her hearts desires deliverd to her door, just to make her smile.o
Oh yea, silly me, I have a birthday in 2 weeks, and even though I only know a couple people in this town, am gonna try and find someone to sit with her overnight, and go out and have some fun. Anyone want to join me, the weather is great here.!
See y'all soon.

12:21AM - Learning

Tonight was pretty good, got to get out for a couplr of hours and have dinner with a friend, great little BBQ place called Hole in the Wall, Country Music, cold beer and ribs, mmm.
So,,, I am learning. I was able to smoothly transfer my patient from wheel chair to bed via a special lift, only the 3rd time ever and she said it was perfect. She has virtualy no muscle at all, Cancer has taken them, and she had a stroke that took care of her ever walking again. Felt good when she said that she was so lucky to have a Katy. She is going out to visit her friends at the Nursing Home tomorrow, and vows to crow about her sweet attendant.
Yep, it gets trying and tiring, but I honestly don't remember the last time anything made me feel so needed at the wnd of the day.
I will likely run screaming when she passes, and hope llke hell there is someone there to hold me and get me through it, but for now, is OK

12:47AM - thankyou

I wanted to say Thankyou to all you sweet people that have said such nice things. It may be hard to understand how I feel, having that storm with my name, but it is, and I will just get over it I am sure.
So Katy's world. I have taken on an impossibly hard task, but it for some reason seems to be what I need at this point in my life. I met this lady, very cool 65 year old spunky woman, sadly she is going to die very soon. All she wanted, was for someone to be with her, help take care of things around her house, and help her get her affairs in order. She looked at my big blue eyes and smiled declaring I was her angel, she could see it clear as day. So...I took the job, Free rent and board, and as soon as she is stable again, I will be able to work part time so I can stay on the net and stuff.
She thinks I am an angel, heh, in the few days I have been here, I have gotten her to eat, made her laugh and smile and started getting a long neglected home clean and in order. In the long run, I have learned more about NOT feeing sorry for my self, and through her courage I feel blessed to be the one she has chosen to spend this tike with, she is truly amazing.
In a few months she will be gone, the cancer is inoperable., she is in a wheel chair most of the time, it taked a special lift to get her to bed, and her pain is just a constant companion, and she can't walk at all, she depends on care givers for even her basic needs, even her food has to be cut up so she does not choke.
So friends, if on this day your boss pissed you off, you stubbed your toe, or any number of daily things that can ruin our day, remember the courage it takes to face every day knowing there is a 60/40 chance that it is the last one. She is ready, I wonder when her time comes if *I will be, and how much courage I will have holding her hand and helping her accept the last smile from me before she goes to join her husband, who left a few years ago. She says "he went on ahead to find us a home, and will send for me when he is ready and it is time to see him again"
Soooo that's Katy's world these days, and believe it or not, it is a pretty cool place to be. I am not special as she seems to see me, just Katy, happy that someone needs me.

1:34AM - My name

OK Folks, I have officially stopped using my name, that is Katrina and am forever just sweet Katy. First of all it hurts my soul every time I see the word. and believe it or not, people have been unbelievably mean in off handed statements to me. One told me I should be ashamed, killing all those people. I just started crying and left quietly, actually ashamed a little that anything so horrible could be named as I am. I promise, I would never hurt a soul, not ever.

12:01AM - well well

Thank GOD I am done with on the road, Las Vegas is a horrible place for me. I am never leaving the NW again. Almost tried a date, but he wanted me to wear longer skirts, less low cut shirts, lower heels and less makeup. Yea like any of THAT will happen anytime. I asked him why, he said "cause guys look at you" I could only laugh, hell I said, "if them looking is not a compliment, get the hell off my porch" He did, well I also flashed a pretty silk thong he would never have a snowballs chance in hell of seeing and winked "but they didn;t get to see this, did they" Such a smart ass kitten I am. Oh well,. is there romance there for me, not likely, but it may ber time to have fun again, should you warn Eugene?? Likely. but don't, lemme shake them up for a while.

9:44AM - I LIVE

Just a note to let people know I am alive and relatively well. I have been taking some time to take stock of my life and recent decisions. The conclusion, I SUCK at decisions that apply to me, my choices are most often done in desparation. Well NO MORE, I am no longer submissive to life, I am the BOSS and am going to get it together come hell or high water. I have looked for love, there is a man that I love with all my heart, (if your reading this you know who oyu are) and I have come to the conclusion, that although he says he loves me, he does not want what I need. a home, and someone there always, every day. I will always love him, BUT I have to grow up and learn to take care of myself. BUT I am not giving up, just stepping back and seeing what happens. So, yes I am OK, NO I am NOT happy, but that has to come from within myself, not FROM someone else. More later friends and fans
Katykins and Kitten too.